The Weight Conundrum, and Why I Feel For Girls With Eating Disorders

OMG, a post!

Okay, so just bear in mind that when I say weight, I mean skinniness/fatness, as there are zero working scales in my house.

I’m just under 5 feet tall, 16, reasonably muscular (dance, karate), and tiny but curvy (not curvy as in that euphemism for fat, just as in… having curves, I guess), and so naturally, my weight is sort of a concern for me. Like, because I’m so short, I feel like I should weigh a lot less than everyone else, and when I don’t, I feel really self-conscious. For instance, I always feel awkward when taller girls are talking about their weights and are like, “Ugh, I feel so fattt. I just ate 3 cupcakes. I’m going to weigh like 125 this weekend,” because if they weigh less than 125 and they’re wayyy taller than me, then what would they think of my weight? And if I weigh the same as they do, that makes me fatter, right? Horrible outlook to have, I know. But it’s there, nonetheless. Also, I worry that since everyone else looks at me from a bird’s eye view, I may appear very squat. And I don’t want to be squat. And PLUS, all the other girls look skinnier than me because they wear size B bras and have sticks for limbs. And, of course, there’s always that thing called being a teenager.

Why this is relevant: Today, I was feeling very fat, to put it bluntly. Actually, all this week. It was gross. So I came home, threw my stuff down, and hid in my room with my computer. I started googling “how to dress my body shape,” since I have a Sweet 16 party to go to this weekend, and I’ve been in a panic about what the hell to wear since I feel like I’ve suddenly gained 10 pounds. However, when I got out the tape measure and took my measurements, I found that my waist is thinner than it was in 8th grade, despite me feeling like crap and sensing some upcoming period bloating. Great way to screw with me, brain.

So about those anorexic and bulimic girls: The truth is, if I felt like this every day of my life, I think I would stop eating, too. Our perception of ourselves tends to be very inaccurate, and it’s very hard to get you out of that pessimistic mind frame. Furthermore, it hurts more to be told you’re fat by other people. It’s expected of my little sister, since she’s not very creative with her insults, but when someone like your mom or your so-called friend or your biggest crush or that girl who’s the prettiest in the grade or in MY case, your DOCTOR treats you like you’re obese at (again) under 125 pounds, you feel like absolute crap. Just remember, sometimes people are wrong, and that includes you, too. You just have to learn to see yourself for what you are.

–Ellen

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One thought on “The Weight Conundrum, and Why I Feel For Girls With Eating Disorders

  1. ugh I hate feeling like that… i feel for you!!!

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