I do realize last week I was very cheery and positive about school, and this is not a post like that. This is me complaining (oh, joy!) about the sucky-ness of the whole thing (classes, people in my classes, lack of people I like, etc.).
- First off, there’s the fact that none of my teachers–except for my Chem teacher, whom I had last year for Bio–know my name. It really is exhausting to walk into a room where you’re Just Another Face In A Sea Of Faces, and have the teacher stare at you blankly while he/she tries to remember your name. I realize learning a hundred names in a week is somewhere near impossible, but as a student it is exhausting.
- I absolutely despise some of my classes. History is good, mainly because BFF Maddy sits next to me in it, and because I’ve always loved History Class. However, since it is an Honors course, we do get quite a bit of reading homework. And since we’re dealing with the Age of Exploration/European Colonization of the Americas, the documents we get aren’t exactly recent, or easy to comprehend, for that matter. Chem pretty much sucks, when you consider we have spent three class periods dealing with Metric System conversions. All you literally have to do is move the freaking decimal point, and voila! The worst bit is that the other two sophomores and the junior in my table all copy off of me, because they can’t do it themselves! And if there is a class worse than Chemistry, I suggest you look at my French II class. My teacher makes absolutely NO SENSE! and you can hardly hear her, even if you sit right next to where she usually stands! and NO ONE I
KNOWLIKE IS IN THAT CLASS! they’re mostly freshmen, whom I find outrageously detestable. THEY NEVER STOP TALKING! ABOUT DANCE MOMS, no less! I’m sure class would be less horrid if it were like last year. Which is to say, if IT WEREN’T SO DEMENTEDLY BORING. None of my other classes suck as much, including Geometry. I might actually be able to pull it off this year!
- I live in a constant state of boredom, except during lunch, which is when Maddy, Elizabeth and I generally vent, and talk all things Doctor Who/Nerdfighter-y. Most of the time, I am bored to near-tears. EVERYTHING ELSE IS INCREDIBLY MIND-NUMBING. The things some people talk about! The Kardashians¹, Dance Moms¹½, their schemes for obtaining the iPhone 5! It is very hard to have a stimulating conversation with people in my classes. This is what Temperance Brennan must feel like on a daily basis.
- I am tired of feeling so Negative All The Damned TIME. All this negativity is actually starting to wear on me. Last night at dinner, for example, my parents told me I reminded them of Meryl Streep’s Miranda Priestly, from The Devil Wears Prada. They said my constant flow of sourness and sarcasm made me fit for a job like hers. As much as I love the film, and as much as I love Meryl, I have to admit the last kind of person (next to you know, a murderer/psycho) I want to be, is a bitter and depressive person. This is DRAINING, and the worst part is, I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t know HOW to go about changing it. I am SICK and TIRED of being so Bring-y Down-y. I am SICK AND TIRED of having FICTIONAL CHARACTERS take my mind off of stuff, because I am too mentally overexerted after doing LITERALLY NOTHING all day, except going THROUGH THE MOTIONS. I’m TIRED of being so Whiny and Utterly Useless.
My brain feels like it is literally disintegrating, or something. I am so tired of school already. I am tired of feeling so out-of-place with all those people around me. I am tired of feeling like I’m on the Island of Misfit Toys. I love my friends, I really do. In fact, if it weren’t for them, I’m sure I’d be in a worse state of mind, but I’m tired of it just being the three ‘Normal People’ (from our POV, anyways) among so many other people we have very little in common with.
I should probaly stop thinking that way…
¹&¹½- I realize some of you might be thinking “What a Hypocrite” or “Who does she think she is, reserving the right to talk about the rubbish she likes, and calling others idiots for talking about the stuff they like?” and I say to you:Please ignore my annoying-ness. I’m very frustrated at the moment. Also, although I fail to see any similarity between being a Whovian/nerdgirlfangirl and a Kardasian Fan, I know I shouldn’t be trashing someone else’s fandom. If I don’t trash Castle as a Bonehead, I shall refrain from making snide/rude comments about the K’s.